Goodbye 2018

With another year drawing to a close and a new one fast approaching, it is time for my annual 'Goodbye *insert year here*' post...

After the turbulence of last year, twenty eighteen was a much needed quieter and calmer year. Although there weren't really any major life-changing events, that is not to say lots of good things didn't happen. Last year I hoped that this year would have 'more highs than lows' and I'm grateful that this was the case. It was a year of small victories, reaching out to old friends, spending time with the people I value most and just doing some of the things I wanted to do.

Shout out to all the lovely people who were part of my 2018, you know who you are.

So, without further ado, here's an overview of the year in photograph form:

JANUARY

Doughnuts were necessary to get through January...

FEBRUARY 

I had my 23rd Birthday

Birthday celebrations = Afternoon Tea

The beast from the East brought snow to Dunstable (& London)

MARCH

 I finally got to see Harry Potter & the Cursed Child with my Dad

I visited my sister and her university friends in Canterbury

APRIL

My Grandad had his 79th Birthday

We went up to Kirkcudbright in Scotland for my Cousin's wedding

Melissa, Emma and I went to see Suranne Jones in the play 'Frozen' (not the Disney version)

I went to many Pub Quizzes with the 'Powerpack' (and we managed to actually win one!)

MAY

I went to Southend with Melissa and Luke

JUNE

I also visited Bath for a few days...

And had a day trip to Brighton

I saw Matilda the Musical at the MK Theatre

And took a spontaneous day off to go to Whipsnade Zoo

JULY 

Our work Author & Editor Summer party was held at the V&A Museum

And I got to go to Melissa's work party in Borough Market too

Fran and I went back to Reading for a Re-Union night out 

AUGUST

After listening to Greg Holden's music for years, Melissa and I finally got to see him live (and discovered Gary Go, who is an amazing singer)

Kirstie, Fran and I successfully escaped ClueQuest's first Escape Room

Charly's relatable poetry gives me life, amen to that

I was reunited with Becca, Jess and Fran for Junkyard Golf

SEPTEMBER 

 My team at work did Richard Osman's 'World Cup of Everything' and confirmed that Pickled Onion Monster Munch are in fact the best crisps...

 Clerkenwell Grind

I spent a lot of time this year standing around at Luton train station... and sometimes the sky was pretty 

Pizza catch ups with Kirstie 

NOVEMBER

Kirstie, Fran and I (just about) completed our second ClueQuest escape room

 My Nana's Birthday meal 

DECEMBER 

 I went to the light trail at Blenheim Palace

And toasted massive marshmallows

 Photo Booth fun at the work Christmas party...

The Skelton Christmas Tree 

 The last day at work before the Christmas holidays = Orange Hot Choc

 Christmas Dinner

 It's possible that this book might be my best date of the year?! (lol)

So finally, that just leaves me to say, Happy New Year.

Here's to 2019 and whatever it may hold - bring it on!

Much love,

Laura.

Song: Woman by Kesha

Reducing my body to aesthetics | Thoughts on Body Confidence

I've always been of a slim build and consequently my weight has never been something that has concerned or worried me. People have often commented about how lucky I am because I can eat pretty much anything without putting on extra weight.

So surely I should be body confident right? Not necessarily. Anyone, regardless of weight/build/etc, can lack body confidence.

Ever since my teenage years I have been self conscious about how flat-chested I am. I remember people at school saying that an 'A' for your bra size was the only time when an A wasn't the 'best' result. As a teenager, I wasted a lot of time hoping that one day I wouldn't be so flat-chested and would catch up with the other girls... but as a twenty three year old, I can confirm that the big boobs never magically appeared overnight.

Even now, I still avoid low cut tops or dresses at all costs and carefully select bras based on which make the most of what little I do have. I've also fretted that having small boobs somehow makes me less attractive, less desirable or less feminine. I've thought that I wasn't physically good enough for guys because there were other girls that were better options. It's easy to fall into a self critical way of thinking when it's affirmed in so many ways in your life and within society, especially on social media. In reality, when I take a step back, I know I'm not any thing 'less' just because I have smaller boobs than most - it's just difficult to change your mind set.

With time I have come to accept how my body is but I will continue to work on my body confidence.

Finally, in the words of Rupi Kaur:

"i reduced my body to aesthetics
forgot the work it did to keep me alive
with every beat and breath
declared it a grand failure for it not looking like theirs
searched everywhere for a miracle
foolish enough to not realise
i was already living in one"

(from 'the sun and her flowers')

Laura. 

Song: Somebody Else by The 1975

Talking yourself down | Thoughts on Self Deprecation

I went to a gig in London recently to see one of my all time favourite acoustic artists perform (he was fab). Although he's originally from the UK, he moved to America quite a few years ago and something he said whilst he was chatting to the audience in-between songs really resonated with me...

He commented that since moving to the other side of the world, he'd realised that British people often tend to talk themselves down and are self deprecating, whereas many Americans will do the complete opposite and talk themselves up whenever they get the chance. Obviously there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, so somewhere in the middle of the two extremes is the golden mean to aim for and work towards. 

I know I put myself down a lot. I always think I could be better, do something better or look better than I do. This never-ending, negative cycle of self deprecation doesn't do any good; it doesn't achieve anything. Yet despite this, we're always told that a positive mentality is the first step to successfully achieving our goals. It's crazy that so many of us are so hard on ourselves at any given opportunity especially when other people can bring you down enough, without adding yourself to the list of your harshest critics. I think that the positive to take from it all is regardless of where this habit stems from, it's something that can be changed.

With this in mind I'm going to make a conscious effort to talk myself up more, talk myself down less and be unapologetically myself, because why not?

Laura.

Song: Wonderful by Gary Go