2011

Twenty eleven is nearly over so I guess it's time for my last blog of the year...
When you start to look back you realise just how much can change in the period of one year. But you also notice the things that haven't changed, the things that have stayed the same - that's the important part. This year I've learnt a lot, cliche perhaps but it's true. I've learnt that you never know a person one hundred percent and that sometimes the not so good things that happen can actually turn out for the better in the end. It's been a good year though; so many memories, laughs, parties and jokes. I wouldn't want to change anything that's happened this year, after all life goes on and time doesn't stop for anyone. I know a few people who hate New Years because of the false front the majority put on - people believing things will suddenly change overnight. I don't see it that way though. I see New Year as marking a new start and just let people take their own meaning from it. It's wrong to say a new year will bring happiness but it's also wrong to say a new year won't bring change. Hoping for a better year next year doesn't necessarily mean that person believes their life will suddenly become happier. Who knows what's happened in their lives this year, 'better' could mean so many things. I just hope those people remember sometimes we have to make our own changes in order to get where we want to be, things don't always happen by themselves.

I wish you all have a happy new year, who knows what 2012 will bring...

Laura.

Song: The Art of Falling by Greg Holden
"It's better to make your mistakes than to live without knowing. It's better to fall on your face than to stay on your feet as long, long, long as you tried your best."

(Also thank you to everybody who read any of my blog posts this year, it's much appreciated!)

Christmas

I can't believe it's Christmas Eve already, crazy times. I do love Christmas time, I hope you all have a lovely Christmas! Also, sorry for the lack of posts recently I've been pretty busy with work, alevel homework and seeing friends. There will definitely be a couple of new posts up soon including a New Years one though - I promise!
Much love,

Laura.

Song: Christmas Lights by Coldplay

Compare

"I don't believe you ever have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be."

Some people give up too easily because they are forever comparing themselves to other people. We all do it, all have done it in the past. We always compare ourselves and our own achievements to others. But it isn't beating everybody else that matters, it's what you can do that counts. Don't give up because things didn't go so well the first time, some things take time.

Laura.

Song: Rule The World by Take That

Connecting

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down and it has made all the difference in my life." - Steve Jobs

I think if you trust in something you'll always get by - even if it's difficult while you're living through it.

Laura.

Song: Home by Gabrielle Aplin

Things.

Things that are good right now:

- Ben Howard's music & his new album.
- My Cadbury's advent calender.
- Drinking more tea & hot chocolate because it's cold.
- Buying and wrapping people's christmas presents.
- The fact that Christmas films will be on TV soon.

Happy days!

Laura.

Song: Forever by Alex Day

Forever

"When 'forever' is a promise, it's always a lie."

Laura.

Song: When We Stand Together by Nickelback

I ask you this.

Do you know that I can't ignore everything as you close these doors, selling out my dreams as easy as it seems to you - I'm sorry, I'm not gonna lose. To the chains holding me, how strong can you really be? As I ask you this. The bruises on my legs reflect what I should have said and it's all my fault. I hope you know that I don't expect much from any of you as you curse me good luck, selling out your soul as easy as you go. I'm sorry, really, I'd love to jump on board but I am busy believing in everything I've worked for. Yes I'm sorry, I need to, I hate to break it to you but I'm gone.

- Greg Holden

Love this song! So good.

Laura.

Song: Always Attract by Youmeatsix

Wasting time.

Don't waste time on people who aren't worth it. People change beyond recognition and you'll realise you don't even know the real them anymore - they're not the person you originally made friends with. There are so many more important things to focus on and you just can't keep every single friendship you make in life. Perhaps it's harsh, maybe it's giving up too soon. But I'm bored with giving people endless chances and being patient and persistent all the time. I'm gone.

Laura.

Song: Blind by Kesha

Floating

"I want to tear myself from this place, from this reality, rise up like a cloud and float away, melt into this humid summer night and dissolve somewhere far over the hills. But I am here, my legs blocks of concrete, my lungs empty of air, my throat burning. There will be no floating away." - The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Sometimes we have to face up to reality instead of attempting to hide and run away from it because however hard we try to block it out - it will still be there, waiting.

Laura.

Song: The Fear by Ben Howard

Some people...

There are some people that you'll meet in life and from the very beginning you'll respect them. However it's not until you get to know these people a little bit better that you realise the reason for this. They are the sort of people who stay strong until the very end - no matter what, put other people before themselves and generally care a lot about everything they're involved in. But people like this are rare. I've only had the privilege of knowing a few people like this but I'm so glad I got the chance to know them because they showed me how hard real life can be & that even though things can become difficult - there's always a way through it even, if it's not obvious at first glance... I've always said that it's the people you know and meet that shape you into the person you are but these people are the type who go a step further and guide you throughout life too. I'm forever grateful for them being in my life, even if only for a short while.

"I wanted to pay for my successes with all my defeats."

Laura.

Song: When My Time Comes by Dawes (Cover) - Greg Holden
I love this song and Greg Holden plus it relates to the situation at the moment...

A Levels

I never thought that A Levels were going to be easy, but I never thought they'd be as hard as they're proving to be. I really like the subjects I picked but the amount of work I've got to do for them is crazy. Whenever I finish an essay or several pages of notes, I'll be given another two sets, I swear it's a never ending pile. I have no idea how I'm going to remember everything for the exams either. To be fair though, my subject combination was always going to challenge me. The worst thing is when you get a bad grade for something that took you hours to do or a test you revised such a long time for - you just feel so gutted. I'm not failing any of my subjects but it's hard when everybody else seems to get it that little bit more than you, particularly when my target grades are so high. They say they want me achieving them by Christmas?! Not happening, I can tell you that now. But today I was talking to one of my old teachers and she reminded me that it'll all be worth it in the end. Things like A Levels never promised to be easy, just worth all the effort and hard work in the end. Even though sometimes I feel like I should just give up and do something easier - I remember that people have passed them before, so I can do them just as well. So I'm not giving up on them just yet, but jeeez, it's testing me more than anything else I've done so far...

Laura.

Song: When My Time Comes by Dawes

Determination.

"I know it hurts, I know you're bruised but it's only on the inside. I know you're lost and you're confused yeah, it's only on the inside. I see you walk and you're dragging your feet, but it's only for a moment - stuck at the part where you feel incomplete, yeah it's only for a moment."
- Thriving Ivory

Things always get better, it just takes time. Don't give up on what you believe in just because you've been knocked down, not everything works out quite right the first time. Determination can get you a long way. Sometimes we forget we're only living as one person though. We can't do everything at once or be expected to get everything right - everybody makes mistakes. You can't change the past but you can determine your own future by acting now. What happens, happens. Accept things for what they are and whatever you do - Don't give up.

Laura.

Song: All Fall Down by One Republic

Keep your head up.

I've always been the type of person who wants to please everybody, but I can tell you right now that it isn't achievable. There are always going to be people that you're not going to get on with. I can remember even back in middle school there was this one girl that just disliked me, even though I stayed well out of her way and did everything I could to stay on her good side. Whoever I was friends with - she had to be better friends with them, she always had to be one step above me. I can remember times when she even made people turn against me for no particular reason. But it was at that point that I realised it isn't worth wasting time trying to make people like you and that turning into somebody fake just to be friends with people is ridiculous.
Sometimes I can be oblivious to how my actions or words affect people because I don't like being criticised and without thinking about the consequences I'll give back whatever is thrown at me. But I've learnt you have to stand up for yourself because nobody else is going to fight your corner for you. I accept that you can't win everybody over and some people will always seem against you - whatever you do to try and persuade them otherwise. So my advice is just be yourself, it sounds so cliche but it's the best advice anybody could have given to me back then. Don't let low comments get you down because the chances are they hardly know you anyway. If they turn people against you, let those people walk away, I promise you they aren't worth the trouble.

"Keep your head up, keep your heart strong, keep your mind set."

Laura.

Song: Don't Hold Your Breath by Nicole Scherzinger

History

"The past is a great darkness, and filled with echoes. Voices may reach us from it, but what they say to us is imbued with the obsucurity of the matrix out of which they come; and, try as we may, we cannot always decipher them precisely in the clearer light of our own day." - The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

Laura.

Song: Pictures by Benjamin Francis Leftwich

Half the person.

I was a bit down recently, not for any particular reason, just everything people did or didn't do annoyed me. Despite this I went out on Friday to see some of my oldest friends. I realised that good friends don't have to do much to cheer you up because just being around them makes you happier. Of course I've always valued my friends but it's not until insignificant moments like this - where you're feeling down and they cheer you up effortlessly, that you realise just how well they know and just how much you need them around. It's fine to go around saying you'll be fine by yourself and don't need anybody else to make you happy but I strongly believe that by having that attitude you're just making it harder for yourself. Without my friends I'd be okay, but I wouldn't be half the person I am right now.

Laura.

Song: Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

Myself

"Obviously I have my insecurities and doubts. But I just have to do my best and be myself. And then hope that's enough." - Emma Watson

Laura.

Song: Always Attract by Youmeatsix

Possibilities

"If I lay here, if I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
Some things are possible, but highly unlikely to actually happen. It's hard to know which possibilities to believe in and which ones to give up on all together. I think it's better to let go of things that seem unlikely to happen, it'll only hurt you more. Possibilities only carry a 'chance', nothing more. We have to remember that.

Laura.

Song: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

The things that make us.

There are so many things that make us.
Friends, family, memories, experiences and so many more things; they all come together and make us who we are. I wouldn't change anything that's happened to me in my life so far. Some people don't understand me when I say that, because surely I must have regrets? But although not everything has gone to plan in the past and there were times that I'd rather leave behind me - every single thing that I've done and been through has helped make me who I am. I reckon life is too short to hold grudges, too short to regret the past. There's just no point. The things that make us, can break us too though. But there's always a choice between giving into your past - letting the bad situations drag you down and just trying to carry on with what you have left.

Laura.

Song: Postcards by Ed Sheeran
Such a lovely song.

Choosing to care.

Choice is one of the most important and powerful things we have. 'The things we choose to care about, make us. It's our choices that define us.' If you choose not to care about anything because it's easier not to care at all, you can be as unhappy as the person who cares about everything too much. Choosing to care doesn't always mean you are going to get hurt, it just shows you're willing to take the risk.

Laura.

Song: Up by James Morrison ft Jessie J

Speaking.

"I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silent hurt more." - C.S. Lewis

I think speaking to someone about things that are worrying or troubling you can help you so much more than if you try and go it alone without anybody else. They can look at everything with a clear mind and a different point of view of the situation - something which you will never be able to do yourself. Let people help you, then you'll be helping yourself. You don't have to go through everything alone.

Laura.

Song: On Your Side by Thriving Ivory

Dear Laura,

Don't let your own mind get you down, you can't answer all the questions you ask yourself. Just remember your own advice and take it rather than dismissing it. Everything passes eventually, nothing lasts forever. Don't let people change you into something you don't want to be, you're in charge of that - no one else. Do what you think is right at the time, don't regret the choices you made because they were what you wanted at the time. Of course some choices are going to be wrong but it happened, learn from it instead of thinking what could have been. Keep your positive thinking up, nothings more powerful than that. If people don't like you for being who you are then let them walk away - you definitely don't need them, if old friends who you thought you knew walk away you'll have to make a decision whether you need to stop them. You'll make the right choice. You always tell everyone things change, don't blame yourself for everything that happens - you simply can't control the world. Stick to what you say you're going to do, don't let people change your final decisions you made them for a reason.

Basically be who you want to be and most importantly always be you. Nobody can ask for more than that.

Laura.

(Post inspired by Mitchell Davis)
Song: I Won't Let You Go by James Morrison

Magazine writing.

The new issue of Etoilee Magazine is out now, this is the 5th one I've written a page for. I'm not the best at language or writing but I really like doing it because it's different to coursework and other school work, it also links in with my blog a bit. So I hope you like the piece I did in this issue! There's a bit of dodgy punctuation that's meant to be at the end of a sentence instead of the beginning, (you'll know what I mean when you read it, it's just the layout of the page). I think that this issue is the best so far. Check out the rest of it too - there are some lovely photos and interviews.

Think link is here.

Laura.

Song: Replaced by Kate McGill

Castles.

"Don't worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be - now put the foundations under them."

Relationships and friendships are like castles, they all need foundations to support them otherwise they'll collapse under the pressure. Sometimes we forget to start with the more simple things like communication or trust, simply rushing into the more complicated things. Things will fall apart and afterwards there won't be any pieces to pick up & put back together again because there never was anything there to begin with.

Basically put time into getting to know people before you go running into a relationship blindly and get hurt and caught out. If you don't have the foundations there first - build it up before they fall out of your grasp. Fix it while you still can.

Laura.

Song: I Ask You This by Greg Holden

The past.

Don't waste your time living in the past.
Things change and life goes on. People you once knew so well can turn into strangers. Things you once thought to be true can suddenly be an illusion. Instead of letting yourself be pulled back into the past, move forwards. It might hurt at first but just because you're moving on doesn't mean your past is going anywhere - you're just creating a new start. A new beginning.

"It's your chance, embrace it."

Laura.

Song: Fix You originally by Coldplay, but listen to Gabrielle Aplin's cover - so beautiful.

The girl who waited...

"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, when you meet them you think 'Not bad. They're okay.' And then you get to know them and their face just sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful..."

Laura.

Song: Someday by Nickelback

'Life.'

"I'm not a perfect person and I have made my fair share of mistakes and stupid decisions. I've broken hearts and I've had mine broken, I've pushed people out of my life and regretted it - I've also pushed people out of my life and been thankful for it. I'm a human being on this path that we call 'life' and learning from all the things that once held me back. All I can do now is move forward & learn from the past."

- Ingrid.

Sometimes other people can sum up things in words better than you could yourself, gotta love quotes.

Laura.

Song: Run by Thriving Ivory

Coincidences

As it's been pretty grim, rainy weather this summer I've been watching quite a few films to pass the time. I watched 'Sliding Doors' a couple of weeks ago, it's quite an old film but it has a really important message...

Everything that happens is a coincidence, and we can't predict what's going to happen when we make certain choices or know what would have happened if we'd done something differently. The film shows that even small things could change our lives - without us even realising and sometimes even if we make the wrong decision somehow things can still end up at the same point as they would have if we'd made the right choice. I would recommend anyone who doesn't mind watching slightly older films to watch Sliding Doors because it does make you think about life differently. It made me realise that bad things are always going to happen, but you shouldn't regret making the choices you made or the actions you have taken because it will be the right decision in the end. Some things are meant to happen, others just aren't...

Laura.

Song: Someone Like You by Adele

The Dreaded Results!

So finally after weeks of waiting, I got my GCSE results.

Maths: A
History: A*
Art: A
Tech: A*
RE: A
English Language: A
English Literature: B
Core Science: A*
Additional Science: A
ICT: Distinction (Equivalent of 2 A's I think?)

Firstly, I am amazed at my maths result because I seriously thought I'd only just passed that exam let alone get an A. My teacher was terrible and everything I knew for that exam is all down to my Dad helping me. I'm very pleased with my other results, except I would have liked to get an A in Literature, but that's just my perfectionist ways... Everybody I know has done really well in their GCSE's as well. Congratulations :')

The hard work paid off.

Laura.

Song: Marching On by OneRepublic

Holding Back

"You never lose by loving, you always lose by holding back."
Recently some things made me realise that you have to throw yourself into situations while you can - before it's too late and before the opportunities have passed you by. You can hold back all your life because of being cautious or 'safe' but it's never really going to get you very far. You'll miss out, you'll lose. If your try most things when you can, even if it doesn't go how you planned at least your tried and you'll have gotten further in life than if you'd never had a go in the first place.

Laura.

Song: Jealousy by Will Young

Thoughts from Places...

Bournemouth.

I visited Bournemouth for a few days this week. It was good, and surprisingly the weather was pretty good too. The hotel was quite old, but not the dusty, rotting sort of old - the type of old that gives a place character and history. I guess you could describe it as a large time capsule, protecting it's aging contents from modern times outside the building. In a lounge on the ground floor you could see where people had carved their initials into the wood paneling on the walls. A tiny piece of them marked and buried within history and time. We did the normal things you do on a British beach holiday... It was nice to spend time with family for a while and eat too much simply because you can because after all - you're on holiday, also it was kinda cool to not have to think about anything in particular. We hardly ever have time to just sit and think for a few hours with only our own minds for company or enjoy the people around us without distractions, and car journeys are the perfect time to think and make the most of the people around you. If you ever find yourself faced with a long car journey and you are on a motorway, just like I was, consider how many people there actually is on the motorway; all of them going to different places, all of them thinking different things and all of them sharing the same piece of road to reach their final destination.

As people we have this sort of obsession to travel, to be anywhere else but where we live. We want to see new things, have new experiences and see new people. But as I approached my small hometown after queuing to get off the M1 I realised that sometimes we have to leave where we feel the safest, the place that we know like the back of our hand and the place we call home because if you stayed in one place for all your life you would miss out a lot. You can't ever bring a sea view inland. There's a different atmosphere in a holiday town that only exists there with all the other people who are there for the same reason you are, it's a connection that brings all of us together - to create memories that will last a lifetime. Just like those people who carved their initials into the wooden paneling, they wanted to be a memory, to live on just like the memories they made while they were in Bournemouth however many years ago.


Laura.

Song: Ghosts by Gabrielle Aplin

Results Day

So results day is only a few weeks away now.
Some people are really nervous about it, others don't really give a damn - personally I'm okay about the whole thing; not because I'm one hundred percent sure I've done amazingly well in everything just because it's done now and there's nothing I can do to change the results I'll get in that envelope on results day. Of course I hope I've done well but at the end of the day who doesn't? What happens, happens. I'll be putting my results up on here when I get them - good or bad. Fingers crossed for everybody who is getting results this month - alevels or gcses!

Aslong as you do yourself proud, it doesn't matter about what anybody else gets.

Laura.

Song: Bubble Wrap by McFly

Insecurities

We all have insecurities about what we look like, and it doesn't matter how much other people tell you that your insecurity is unnoticeable - you're not going to believe them because it still stands out like a sore thumb.

I thought about writing this originally because of the moles on my face, I dislike them a lot, nearly everybody who knows me will confirm that. People tell me that you can't really see them or that they aren't that bad but it doesn't matter because I still know they're there and I'm always going to think people notice them too. Covering them with makeup may be the obvious answer but even with layers of makeup they are still visible. I've been kind of down about it recently, but I realised that no matter how much I moan about them or whatever they simply aren't going to go away and the likely hood is I'll get more of them over time; so I might as well just get on with the more important things in life. If some people don't like me because I don't have flawless skin then so be it - they obviously aren't worth knowing or worrying about. There are so many more people out there with worse skin conditions than me.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is whatever your insecurity is and however bad you think it is, just remember the chances are people don't even notice it and there are worse things that you could have.

"The people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind." - Charlie McDonnell

Laura.

Song: Fall for Anything by The Script

Quotes

If you hadn't already noticed I quote things a lot; songs, books, movies, people. You name it, I've probably quoted it at some point. Gotta love a quote or two. Quotes say things that you want to say - but better or perhaps just have a good message within them. Sometimes I skip out parts of quotes simply because they aren't really relevant or whatever. Just in case any of you had noticed. So here's another for you all.

"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion... That is just being 'in love', which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree not two. But sometimes the petals fall away and the roots have not entwined."

Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

Laura.

Song: The Sound of Drums by Chameleon Circuit

Lies

Lies are one of the main causes of arguments and it can be really hard to repair the damage afterwards because you simply can't take the lie back. Some lies are necessary, others are just plain hurtful. Personally I'd rather be told the truth first hand rather than find it out from somebody else afterwards. Maybe the truth would hurt, but it's easier to deal with the truth alone instead of having to deal with being lied to as well.

That's life for you I guess.

Laura.

Song: Time After Time by Elliot Minor

'Clueless got confused with cute.'

"No one likes to be wrong, and when we're unsure about what we're saying, prefacing a sentence with, 'This might be silly but...' is one way to protect ourselves from criticism. We've half admitted defeat before we've started. It doesn't help that many women tend to shy away from conflict, to avoid potentially nasty wounds to their self-confidence. It's much easier to walk away with an, 'Oh I don't know - you're probably right' than have a fight... Then there's the theory that some of us play dumb because men are intimidated by intelligent women. One recent study found that 73 percent of men admitted they'd go for a stupid, pretty woman rather than a clever, less attractive one. Really? Nearly three quarters of men are that shallow?"

- Liz Fraser

I don't think anybody should have to hide their opinions or who they are just because they don't want to be seen as stupid or intimidating. If you are always yourself then nobody else can ever ask anymore of you. If a particular person turns you away because you're 'too intelligent' or your opinions don't suit them, I recommend you ignore them because they obviously aren't worth knowing. Afterall who wants to live their whole life trying to be someone their not and never will be?

Laura.

Song: Jar Of Hearts by Christina Peri

Prepared

"What's coming will come, and we'll meet it when it does."
Some people say to prepare yourself for the worst, others enter into things blindly. I prepare myself to accept what happens, happens. Some things can be changed - others are best left alone.

Laura.

Song: Someone to Save You by OneRepublic

Advice

"Do in life what makes you happy. Sometimes you need to be selfish, because no one else is going to be for you. You don't need to spend life treading around other people, when you look back on your life you need to remember that you did the things you wanted to do. If something feels right, let it happen. If it turns out to be wrong... well it's better to regret doing something you wanted to do, than be forever wondering 'what if'.

It's like your life is one huge theme park, they'll be rides you love, rides you hate, rides that scared you and rides that bore you. But it's your own theme park and to walk around avoiding everything will leave you bored. And when it comes to leaving the theme park, you'll only leave wondering if you should have gone on the rides. Whereas it's better to go on all the rides and leave with a satisfied feeling of 'I tried'. You will remember the exciting rides because they will stick out in your mind, you'll remember the scary rides that you hated - but you'll still feel proud for trying them out, and the rides hat bored you, you won't remember.

In life, it's best to just let it happen. Things fuck up, people come and leave, memories fade, but at the end of the day you're only living as one person, if you're not happy simply do something about it..."

- Jodie Andrews

Laura.

Song: Love How it Hurts by Scouting For Girls

The Holiday

The Holiday is one of my favourite films, not because the acting is outstanding or because of the complex story with twists and turns - to be honest it isn't really either of those things. It has a lot of messages included in the storyline and is genuinely a lovely film. It's been on about three times recently and I watched it twice - yeah okay obsessive. But I thought I'd include some of my favourite quotes on here and share them with you. I'd like to point out that I hate Blogger for not allowing you to copy and paste... Gah.

''You'll go somewhere new and you'll meet people who make you feel worth while again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life you wasted - that will eventually begin to fade.''

''I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said: 'Journeys end in lovers meeting'. What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by it's sheer power to define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said 'love is blind'. Now that is something I know to be true. For some love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love; the cruelest kind, the one that almost kills it's victims. It's called unrequited love.''

Laura.

Song: Never Fade by Gabrielle Aplin

Disconnected View

I learn a lot from what other people go through along side my own personal experiences. Sometimes looking at other people's situations can teach you way more than your own because it's easier to see it from a different perspective when it's not you in the middle of it all. The main thing I've noticed is that you can't change how you feel about certain things, particularly people. No matter how much outsiders tell you it will be okay and tell you that you can do 'so' much better - it's totally different when it's actually you in the centre of the mess. Some of you may be thinking this is obvious and in a way it is because we have all had relationships troubles; but it becomes magnified when you look at it in a disconnected way. Another thing which I've seen is that you can't second guess what people are thinking constantly. It just doesn't work. The chances are - you'll never get it exactly right when second guessing somebody... You also have to accept that everything comes to an end eventually. Harsh? It could be seen that way - but that's the reality of it. Having said that I truly believe that a positive view can get you a long way. You just have to be willing to accept things don't last forever. I believe if something's meant to be, it will be - but I don't think there always has to be a reason behind it. Disconnecting yourself from the situation can sometimes help, give it ago sometime? (:

Laura.

Song: Stop and Stare by OneRepublic

Just remember.

Just remember that the bad times will pass by eventually. Just remember you're only one person, you can't change the world. Just remember sometimes you have to go through tough parts before it's going to get better. Just remember not to give up easily. Just remember to think before you speak. Just remember time can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Just remember your worst critic will always be yourself. Just remember actions can speak louder than words. Just remember not everybody is going to be your biggest fan. Just remember, to be you - that's all that you ever need to be. Just remember...

Laura.

Song: On Your Side by Thriving Ivory

The last day of year eleven.

Well we all knew this day would come sooner or later, and I'm not going to ramble on too much - I'll try and keep this short.

At first glance this day seems like the end, but really you could say it's the just the beginning. There has been so many memories during the past three years and so many friendships along the way too. Even though we all expected one more day to come to terms with the reality of leaving year eleven; perhaps it was best to leave with something unexpected. We left as we came, together and unknowing of what is to come. I wish everybody the best of luck with whatever they are going on to do in the future! I hope you stay in contact with everybody you want to, and if worst comes to worst, there's always facebook chat. That's amazingness of the Internet for you...

Laura.


Song: Good Life by OneRepublic

Losing.

Sometimes losing people in your life is necessary, but sometimes you have to do everything you possibly can to prevent it happening. You just have to decide which one it is... ''I'm just scared of losing all that we have left.''

Laura.

Song: Panic Chord by Gabrielle Aplin

The Rapture!

Surprisingly, everybody survived the rapture and are still alive. Shocking! But it made me think... Even the concept of death was enough for some people to say sorry to friends they'd argued with and had held grudges against or do certain things like that. Surely we should do this without the threat of death? I think Nickelback's song explains what I'm trying to say quite well, I've linked it below. Congratulations to everybody who is still living!

Laura.

Song: If today was your last day by Nickelback

The whole picture...

Sometimes you need to see the whole picture to understand things, not just a small part of them. When you can only see a part of it, you can't see the truth; the reality. You try and make the part you have fit in with what you want to be true - not what's actually there. When you have the whole picture you can see what's real and what's not, what matters and what doesn't. This can be related to so many situations and it all comes down to piecing together the small parts to create bigger picture.

Laura.

Song: Starlight by Muse

Fear?

Well I'm one of those people who isn't scared of the 'normal' things like the dark or spiders. When I was younger I was terrified of lifts because someone on the program Fireman Sam got stuck in one... And to be quite honest I'm still not a big fan of them. I'd rather walk the stairs than go in one if possible. I have other things I dislike a lot, such as other people dying and so on but there's nothing else I particularly 'fear'. I think fears are strange things, they are all based on possibilities and what could happen. Maybe it's just because we like to be in full control of our own lives and sometimes we can't control every little thing? Life can be an uncertain thing. So yes. This was a pretty pointless post... let me know your fears in the comments if you feel the urge? Haha, hope all your exams are going okay too!

Laura.

Song: 20 Miles by Deer Tick

The Exam.

The last minute revision lining up. The sick feeling you get that rises up inside you. The realisation of what you're about to do. The final steps you take to the seat. The scrapping of chairs and shuffling of papers. The murmur of the last few voices. The orders. The silence that drifts away as thinking takes over. The time that passes. The relief. The waiting to leave. The eruption of chatter afterwards. The sharing of answers and discussion of questions. The ones who feel they have done well, the ones who feel all is lost. The feeling that it's one more off the list.

It's just another day of exams.

Laura.

Song: Unfriend You by Greyson Chance

Existing.

So today, when I probably should have been revising, I caught up on the videos that have been slowly gathering in my YouTube subscribers box over the past week. One video particularly caught my eye and I'll link you to it below. I think the video shows how things and people come and go but they never completely vanish, somehow and somewhere parts of them remain; it may be in the form of old memories or even physical pieces but it's still there - existing. Ruin can signify the life that previously existed there, aswell as the absence of it at present.

Laura.

Video: 'The Accidental Sea'

Set fire to the rain.

"Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew. All the things you'd say they were never true, never true. And the games you'd play you would always win, always win."

Really, really love Adele's album 21 at the moment.

Laura.

Song: Go pick one of Adele's? Let me know if you likey.

Own advice...

It's strange how people can never take their own advice. It's almost like we need other people to tell us what to do in our own lives. Maybe it's just because we need somebody to tell us that we aren't a massive failure, that we should keep on going and that things will get better. 'Cause we all know it's hard to motivate yourself when you're not at your best. No matter how hard I try to take my own advice I never get that far, but at least I try?

Laura.

Song: Bar on A by Greg Holden

Happy endings.

I guess I always hope for happy endings.
What do I mean by 'happy endings'? Well, I've come to realise that I hope that in the end - everything will turn out okay. But by 'end' I don't mean the end of the world, the end of my life, the end of anything in particular just normal things like relationships or generally any experiences we go through. Obviously not everything goes right and there's usually a tough journey to get to the end. However when things do come to the ending I just hope that I'll get something from the whole thing even if it is learning something important from a bad experience. I've found that sometimes the worst times can turn out to be the best, in terms of learning lessons anyway. Perhaps it's stupid of me to wish for happy endings but I don't want the fairytale endings... just ones that help me be who I want to be. We rely on other people a lot as they make up our whole lives pretty much. Whatever you lose just remember there's always more to gain...

Laura.

Song: Rumour Has It by Adele

Opportunities.

I've let opportunities pass me by many a time. Generally it's because I ask too many questions and probably think too much into most things. I think that i'll make a fool out of myself or say something stupid; most of the time I usually go for the safer option - the one that won't make me look like an idiot. Having said that, it's not always the easiest of choices. Taking the safer option can mean having the most to lose. Sometimes I think I could have said or done something differently. Perhaps I just worry too much about what other people think of me, but doesn't everyone? Basically I reckon whatever choices you make and whatever opportunities you take - you'll make the right decision for you and that's the important thing... From now on I think I'll push myself a bit more, who knows where it might lead me.

Laura.

Song: A Little Irony by Tom Milsom

"Time should stop moving...

...and never go on behond today."

There's always going to be moments when you wish you could stop time or freeze a particular moment and save it as a photo in your brain because as you get older and things move on, you forget the things you once thought you'd remember forever. You won't forget them because they are insignificant or unimportant just because time erases memories. Some people say I take too many photos but they are one of the only ways you can keep the moments safe away from the grasps of time.

Laura.

Song: Rubik's Cube by Athlete

Writing stuff...

So most of you know that this year I've been doing some writing for 'Etoilee Magazine' by Jodie Andrews. Thought instead of spamming Facebook I'd post the links here from now on! Have a look if you want.

Issue One here.
Issue Two here.
Issue Three here.

You can also check out Jodie's photography Facebook page here.

Laura.

Song: Set Fire To The Rain by Adele

Exam experience.

Exams are coming up pretty damn soon now, and time is rushing by.
Sure I've done some revision being the nerd I am, woo. But I never feel like I've done enough. However, with all the exams on their way made me think about how I feel on exam days. Most people can't get to sleep the night before, feel sick in the morning and are full of nerves until the exam - all the normal things people typically go through; this doesn't happen to me though. I'm not nervous till I'm standing in the line ready to walk into the exam hall and usually my mind goes blank and I can't think of anything to do with the subject I'm about to sit at all, but once I'm in there it all seems to come back to me. Well, most of it anyway. I guess everyone deals with it differently. I hope I do enough to get me the grades I want - fingers crossed. Afterall, I'm the only one that will be mad if I don't get them. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to exams, seriously. Anywho I'll probably keep you updated on the 'gcse exam experience' ;-) but for all my friends sitting exams, and anybody else who reads this who is... GOOD LUCK.

Laura.

Song: If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback

Too little too late.

"So I won't let you close enough to hurt me. No, I won't rescue you to just desert me." - Adele

Laura.

Changing times.

When people ask me if I think I've changed over the past few years, I always think I haven't - not really. But recently I've been looking back at old photos and old conversations. But when I looked through them; especially the conversations and comments I realised just how much I've changed. To be quite honest half of them are very cringe worthy and are just so, so lame I would never dream of saying half of the things I said back then. At the time I probably thought I was cool or whatever but I honestly can say I've grown up a lot over the past few years. However, having said that, I wouldn't change any of my past because it's made me who I am today. All I can say is thank you to all the people who are still friends with me even though they knew me through those rather strange years where I was such a freak LOL. You honestly amaze me. Jeez I was a strange person three/four years ago...

Laura.

Song: Dreaming Out Loud by OneRepublic

Someone like you.

"Nevermind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too, don't forget me, I beg."

Laura.

Art Prep Update

Four sheets left to do out of the original twenty four. I'm pretty damn happy that I've nearly finished it all - early too! I never thought that would happen aha. The sooner the ten hour exam is over the better in my opinion. As for next week I'm free apart from doing revision for the rest of my exams... Yes I do revise in my holidays - yay for me. Hope you're all having a lovely easter holiday, even if you have tons of art prep to do! ;-)

Laura.

Instead of a song today go and check out the new Harry Potter trailer here!
This is thanks to my friend Emma linking it on facebook, enjoy.
It. Looks. Freaking. Amazing. What more can I say?!

New places, new people.

If I get the grades for University, I want to go somewhere new. I want to go somewhere bigger than this small town where half the shops are closed down, somewhere that is thriving with people. I want to meet new people from different backgrounds. People that have similar aims to myself. I want to be pushed completely out of my comfort zone. I want to have to rely on myself rather than others. I do love the small, slightly worn town where I live but I know theres so much more out there for me to see, so many more people too meet. You can't live your life fully if you stay in one place all your life.

Laura.

Song: Creep by Radiohead

We are the stuff of which winners are made...

I couldn't cope with it , it was too graphic reminder of all the things I'd never have. There was the feeling that I ought to do something about it. But I could not yet become the wounded person. This is my choice, nobody elses. I've got to open myself to new experiences. While the heart beats, bruise it - it is your only opportunity. We are the stuff of which winners are made.

Seven books of your choice, seven different pages, one sentence randomly picked from each page. Give it ago?

Laura.

Song: Give Me a Sign by Breaking Benjamin

Books

Ever since I was younger I've always read a lot of books, nerdy? Perhaps. But it's something to do instead of being online all the time, and some of the best concepts can come from fiction. More recently I've been trying to read books I wouldn't usually pick up. My typical book is basically an easy read based on family, friends and usually relationships... So I've been reading a wider range. And as I'm planning on taking English Literature at alevel, it's probably a good idea to start now. My nan in particular reads a lot, especially cultural books or books with a historical background so I've been reading some of her books too. The main thing I try and pick up from reading is the vocab because that's my weakest area in English. Anyway, I'm going to recommend some of my favourite books let me know if you've read any of them are others you've liked! Some of these have bad points about them but the quality of the the writing is pretty good in all of them... Before I Die by Jenny Downham, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseni, A Gathering Light by Jennifer Donnelly, The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins, Tamar by Mal Peet, Noughts and Crosses by Malorie Blackman Also the Harry Potter series and John Greens books (I'm still reading JG's) I've probably missed some out but these are the ones that came into my head first. I've read a lot of easy reads including most of my mums ones haha, I also read every single Jacqueline Wilson book that came out when I was younger I have a lot of her hardback copies. I was a true fan lol! I also have been reading more articles recently in newspapers and magazines - hopefully it will help me with my English language exam coming up.

Laura.

Song: Thinking Of Me by Olly Murs

Eeeeep.

Happy Days.

Firstly it was sunny and warm today. I love it so much, not having to wear a coat just makes my day -can't wait until all my exams are over and it's the summer holidays I have a lot of plans already. Plus my history controlled assessment went pretty well which is always a good thing. There were no arguments today, no awkward moments, and trust me it's been a long time since there's been a day like that. I spoke to some of my favourite people and none of them were down. And lastly I'm seeing nevershoutnever! tomorrow. What more can I say.

Laura.

Treat yourself to a song of your choice, preferable one that makes you happy.
Tell me it in the comments! :')

Brain. Mind. Dream.

We all dream every night.
But ask people how often they dream during a week and most will probably give the reply 'once or twice'. I myself hardly ever remember what I dreamt about, or even that I did actually dream a particular night. It's strange that something so powerful can easily slip our minds. So maybe it's not just our dreams that vanish from our minds... We would never know, after all we don't remember the content of them or that it actually happened so it could be possible. People interpret their dreams searching for meaning and purpose but when you think about it you'll fine that often, things you saw the previous day link together in some strange way to create your dream. But that brings me onto another thing. Do you dream in pictures? Do you dream in words? I don't think I do either of these... I think my dreams. That might sound obvious but it's true. When I shut my eyes I don't see clear images or words - I just think. Our minds are such complex things I can only hope one day I'll understand...

Laura.

Song: Kiss the Rain by Thriving Ivory
"Whenever you need me, kiss the rain, whenever I'm gone too long."

Lessons learnt.

"Seeing in deceiving, dreaming is believing, it's okay not to be okay. Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing, every body's bruising, just be true to who you are."

I have definitely got to know who my true friends are over the past year or so, I used to strive to please everyone, but it simply isn't possible - I know that now. Some people will stick by you and continue to make you laugh even on your darkest days, others will drag you down with them and never change their ways... I'm so very thankful to have the friends I have. Even if everything else was taken away from me, I would still have them standing right there beside me. But however much I dislike people I know what it's like to be excluded, to have no friends to rely on and I couldn't do that to someone. You can feel so alone even when surrounded by so many people.

Laura.

Song: Who You Are by Jessie J

Just A Dream

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you it doesn't love you anymore."
- Lady Gaga

'Open my eyes, it was only just a dream...'

Laura.

Song: The Cave by Mumford and Sons

Why?

Yesterday I was sitting in maths, the one lesson I've always disliked, even in lower school when everyone knew their eight and nine times tables off by heart when I could only just about do the simple fives and tens and we were doing direct and inverse proportion. And suddenly I realised that you don't need to understand why 'K' is the constant or what 'K' even is. You just need to know the all the methods and apply them. It's the same with all maths, forget trying to understand why pi exists, why we have to find the value of 'x' or what cosine actually is. We've been brought up to ask 'why' and I think sometimes in life we have to accept things for what they are rather than questioning them constantly.

Laura.

Song: Call Me by Shinedown

Exam Results

Core science - A
Additional science - A
History - A*

HELL YEAH.
My endless hours of revision paid off, thank god. No resits for me.
-Happy dance.

Laura.

Song: Just Another Boyband by The Midnight Beast

Sixteen years and counting,

It's my 16th Birthday tomorrow :-)

"I'm planning on living forever... so far, so good."

Laura.

Song: Reverse by Gabrielle Aplin

Respect

Once in a while someone says something completely out of the blue, something that you wouldn't necessarily expect them to say and you realise that you have the up most respect for them in saying that particular thing. I have some of the best friends I could ask for, and I'm so very thankful for that because I know without them, life would be alot harder to get through at times, and of course less eventful.

"Jokes can come and go as easily as friends, and your relationships will hurt as well as mend. But time goes on, time goes on and life goes on, life goes on..." - Tom Milsom

Laura.

Song: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Valentines.

So this time last year I wrote a reasonably short post about Valentines Day... Time for the new one for twenty eleven? I think so.

This day is pretty controversial. Is it a day of true love or just a rip off not so 'public holiday' for shops to make A load of money out of us for our so called feelings? Personally, I don't think there is one answer to this debate because it always depends on what situation you are in and what ones you have been in before this time. There will be the people who are depressed, those who are bursting with happiness and those who either simply don't care or take it as a normal day. I see to problem in any of these, each to their own, but it shouldn't be a time to be down about being single but just being pleased to see other people happy. Sometimes we can be so busy looking and thinking about our own lives we don't stop to appreciate others... Take Valentines Day for what it is rather than what you expect it to be. That way, you can't be dissapointed.

Laura.

Song: The Storm Begins by Jennifer Haines

Stephen Fry's Language.

Stephen Fry speaks so well, so clearly. He uses complex meaningful words so easily, they just seem to bubble out of him. I hope one day, I'll be able to do this or at least expand my vocabulary just a bit rather than becoming lazy and saying 'like' constantly when I hesitate to think when speaking.

"I think what offends examiners and employers when confronted with extremely informal, unpunctuated and haywire language is the implication of not caring that underlies it." - Stephen Fry.

It's like anything in life, you have to care for it to make a difference...

Laura.

Song: Born For This by Paramore

Copy Cat.

So today I had the first half an hour of my controlled assessment for history in the I.T. room and it went quite well, I think I should be able to just about finish in the next session. But the thing that annoyed me was that the person next to me started to copy my work... In the past I have let people copy my work and infact I have copied other peoples but thats minor work, homework due in last minute or a question in class. However this is going towards my final gcse grade - I've been bothered to actually do the preparation and research why should someone else be able to get away with copying my work when they haven't even tried themselves? So I did mention it to my teacher - tell tale. Yeah maybe. But I'm not getting the blame for copying them when I didn't. Esspecially as I've helped them out over the years as I always end up sitting next to them in at least a couple of lessons. I have no problem with copying anywhere else really but when it comes to exams they can do there own work.

Laura.

Song: Alien by Thriving Ivory

Bad face days...

I think everyone has those days where they think they look a complete mess, and nothing they do seems to make them look better, just like bad hair days... But in realitity our faces haven't suddenly changed overnight. It's how we feel that makes a difference to how we see ourselves. You can see in people's eyes how they feel. You'll have good days, you'll have bad ones. If some people in your life decide to ignore you or something simply because you don't fit their 'standards' they aren't worth knowing.

"I know I have my critics, but no one could be a harsher judge on me than myself."

Laura.

Song: Pefect by Pink

Truth.

"The more you care, the more you have to lose." - Dainel Radcliffe

For the first time, I realised that some of the things I value highly are gradually escaping my grip. They're moving forwards - I'm starting to be left behind.

Laura.

Song: Marchin' On by One Republic

Overload.

Loving that I haven't had much homework recently, although I know it's gonna be coming fast pretty soon; history controlled assessement, art prep work, maths practise papers, tech paper work, and probs english all from next week onwards. Yay. Can't wait? -.-

Laura.
Oh and... it's my birthday in nineteen days.

Song: Beat It by Michael Jackson

Changes.

People change alot, including yourself. But sometimes the changes bring out a different side to them. A side you rather wouldn't have to deal with. I'm constantly screaming 'nobody cares' in my head at statuses and things that some people say these days. And it's fine if you admit it and blame nobody but yourself, but blame me for not preventing it and I'll point out the fact that at the end of the day only you can make decisions others can only influence you. Call me selfish but you have to look out for yourself - nobody else is going to.

Laura.

Song: All that I'm asking for by Lifehouse

Escaping from the world for a while...

Ipod.
Headphones in. Volume up loud.
That's all you need.

Laura.

Happy.

Something I've realised recently is that all you really need in life is things that make you happy. It doesn't matter what or prehaps who this might be, material or otherwise. But you can get by if you have something worth living for.

I always used to think that both people had to need each other, but now I don't agree. As long as a particular person makes you happy, can make you laugh and take your mind of other things for an hour or two - it simply doesn't matter if they feel the same way back. Sure they might be able to walk away from your relationship, whatever form it may be, and not care less. But while they are still there and willing to talk to you make the most of it and just accept it for what it is. Things are always going to change you can't stop that so...

...basically,
surround yourself in happy people or more importantly, people that make you happy.

Laura.

Song: Stop and Stare by One Republic.

Love is Forever.

The world is broken, halos fail to glisten.
You try to make a difference but no one wants to listen.

Song: Neutron Star Collision by Muse

Avatar (2009)

Avatar

This film received massive attention from the press and movie critics all over the world. Avatar is truly a film which splits the people, there are those who love it and those who think it's a waste of money and time. And I refused to be put into a category until I had seen it; and not being a big lover of 3D movies I decided to just wait until it came out on DVD. Having watched it, I know which section you can put me in. I bloody loved it.

Avatar follows the life of injured ex marine, Jake, and is based in the future where science and technology rules. Having ruined planet Earth, the humans look to the world of 'Pandora' to supply their habits and high demanding lives. Jake believes he has been sent to this world to help the human race in survival - little does he know he will discover a dream world that he prefers to real life and becoming more involved than he ever thought possible. 'Avatars' are part human, part the native species of Pandora and are matched to a human being who can then become the Avatar and control it. Ultimately Avatar is a story of love and morals. But it is so much more too, it makes your hairs stand on end and the graphics will draw you in. You become part of their world. But this dreamworld never promised to be easy, and sacrifices will have to be made. Through finding this world Jake finds himself and will grow far more than he planned.

This film is long, but the time sped by when I was watching it and I would recommend it to anyone who loves creative films. However the plot and characters are not the only reason I love this film. Although at first glance, it looks like it is purely fictional there is a splash of truth in this breathtaking film. Ruining our planet and taking away the lives of natives in the Amazon rain forest with our advancing technology is something that is current, something that is now. This film makes a brave, bold point - that we do need to change how we live, and not destroy Earth because once it's gone you can't get back.

Overnight Avatar has become one of my favourite ever films and is something that will stay with you for a long time after the final scene is over.

Laura.

Song: I see you by Leona Lewis.
Btw I haven't told you the full story and details so It's still worth watching!

Beginnings.

Happy New Year.

I don't like to make new years resolutions, but I do like to make a list of things I'd like to do during this year rather than things I want to change like losing weight or whatever. So here are some of them, things will probably drop off and join this list but thats okay because I like to think I can do things when I want to do them. Here goes... (They are in no particular order)

- Get a Job
- Read more books & maybe do the 50 book challenge?
- Pass my GCSE's so that I'm not at all dissapointed when I open the envelope.
- Start 6th Form at Queensbury
- Make an effort to see my friends through all the schoolwork.
- Try and enjoy the last few months of art prep work.
- Learn to take better photos
- Improve any coursework I can, cough english cough.
- Not put up with pointless people just because I don't want to upset someone.
- Do some volenteering work in a Charity or something.
- See Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows part 2!
- Read all the HP books again.
- Be creative with my fashion style, that could be interesting.
- Have the photo shot with my friend Jodie that has been planned for months.
- Learn to cook better and more things.
- Try and do a large amount of my scrapbook this year
- Spend less time on msn when I should be revising or whatever.
- Travel somewhere that I haven't been before.
- Go to camden market in the summer.
- See my grandparents more often.
- Learn to play piano.
- Make more youtube videos this year, either lyrics vlogs or musical.

There's alot of other things I want to complete, do or see this year on just generally in the future but I won't bore you anymore. Have you guys got any aims this year? Let me know in the comments if you have! :)

Laura.

Song: Still by Thriving Ivory.

Btw the new series of Silent Witness started yesterday, I do love it! I know you probably haven't even heard of it but it's worth watching if you like any sort of crime/investigating programs. BBC 1 - 9pm Mondays & Tuesdays. I also hope that your first days back at school, work or college aren't too bad! xx