Say something

"Say something, I'm giving up on you and I am feeling so small. It was over my head, I know nothing at all and I will stumble and fall."

Laura.

Song: Say Something By Ian Axel

Friendships

In middle school I had my fair share of 'friend problems', particularly in year six. I went around with a reasonably large group of girls at the time and there were countless disagreements and fall outs each week. But there is one particular 'fall out' that I will always remember. It was a lunchtime - it must have been during the summer term because everybody was out on the field and I was looking for my group of friends there. I saw them, but they must have seen me first because they were already walking towards me. By the time they reached me I knew something wasn't quite right because they'd all gathered behind one of my so called 'friends', which was obviously planned and by this point I knew what was coming because I too had been in that group, standing behind a person. It was that day my 'friends' told me they no longer liked me and said they didn't want me to even speak to any of them, apparently I was too much of a nerd or whatever their lame excuse was. I can't remember what I said, I think I managed to mumble an 'Okay' before walking away. Needless to say I was upset. There are certain things you prepare yourself for but that definitely wasn't one of them. Looking back now however, I realise I never fitted in with that group of people very well. I can't believe I actually put up with constantly sitting by myself in lessons and the endless 'ditching' as they called it.

But why am I telling you this story from years ago? Well, there is a good reason. As a result of being pushed out of the group I went on to make some of my best friends, which I'm still friends with today, of course there were other mishaps on the way but there you go. The point I really want to make is sometimes you can feel most alone even when you're surrounded by people - especially if they are people you don't really fit in with. After what happened I didn't care about being 'popular' or liked by lots of people anymore because I'd realised that one of the things that came along with being in a group of 'popular' girls is that you start to lose who you are - when other people got pushed out of the group I didn't speak out and disagree with them, I just let it happen. Perhaps it's cliche but sometimes the things that are 'cliche' are the things that hold the most truth.

I think friends are always going to go through bad parts, maybe even fall outs but now I always remember that the people who are friends with me today like me for who I am. They don't care that I might not being the best looking person or the most liked person and I'm forever thankful for that.

Laura.

Song:Thorns by Charlie Simpson

A person...

"A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended."
- Ian McEwan, Atonement

Laura.

Song: I'm With You by Go:Audio

Grandparents

I've always been close to my Grandparents on my Mum's side. I have fond memories of staying overnight at their house when I was younger. My twin sister and I would wake up quite early in the morning and run into their bedroom, sit on their bed and drink sugary, milky coffee in small clear beakers with yellow lids so we didn't spill it everywhere. The best part was we usually got biscuits too, which was amazing because we'd never be allowed to have them that early in the morning back at home. We'd spend hours playing dressing up with my Nana's old waistcoats and scarves, we'd make 'things' out of old Christmas cards and build dens in the back garden with picnic rugs hung over the washing line. But one of my favourite memories at their house was playing shops - it was just the best game. My Nana had collected together empty bottles of shampoo, cardboard cereal boxes, old soaps from hotel rooms and so many other things along with an old play till with plastic coins. Setting it out around the entire living room was half the fun and that was before we actually started playing 'shops'.

As time has gone on however, I see so many more qualities to my Grandparents than just people I used to play games with. My Nana is one of the kindest people I've ever met and I'm not just saying that. She is one of those people that will do anything to avoid upsetting somebody, even if it means going out of her way. She cooks the best fruit pies and reads so many books it's unreal, my friends joke she has a library in her house. She was one of the main people who encouraged me to read and even now she lends me numerous books for my English Literature A Level course. My Grandad is a tall man and has the darkest black hair I've ever seen, it's only just starting to go that light silver colour that time inevitably brings. I appreciate him more now I'm older though, I love his sense of humour and his commentary on any TV program never fails to make me laugh. I'm so thankful to know people like them.

Laura.
Song: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper, cover by Alex Goot 'here'

Even if the skies get rough...

"Cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth. We got a lot to learn...
No I won't give up. I don't want to be someone who walks away so easily, I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make."

Laura.

Song: I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz
(Link 'here' - it's such a lovely video)

Khaled Hosseini

Because I take English Literature I tend to read quite a few books. Khaled Hosseini's, 'The Kite Runner' and 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' are two of my favourites. Even if you don't really like reading I'd recommend either of these two, particularly The Kite Runner. Of course knowing me I just had to post some quotes from them...

"Yet love can move people to act in unexpected ways and move them to overcome the most daunting obstacles with startling heroism." - A Thousand Splendid Suns

"One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls." - A Thousand Splendid Suns

"But time can be a greedy thing, sometimes it steals all the details for itself." - The Kite Runner

"It may be unfair but what happens in a few days, sometimes even a single day, can change the course of a whole life time..." - The Kite Runner

"For you, a thousand times over." - The Kite Runner

Laura.

Song: Keep Pushing Me by Gabrielle Aplin

Modern times?

When you see a couple on Facebook proclaiming their love for each other via a Facebook wall comment, after only knowing each other for a matter of days - you do start to question our generation's concept of love. The chances are they barely know each other and the weak connection they call a loving relationship will probably be over within a week. It's not over then because next we will have to endure the depressing statuses of the heartbroken ex-couple as they change their relationship statuses to 'single'. Pessimistic? Exaggerated? Perhaps, but we've all witnessed a similar thing.

These days technology seems to get in the way of our relationships, it may be the various social networking sites or our beloved mobile phones. 'Convenience' some people may argue. Another term for it could be laziness. What's actually stopping people from going out to see each other? Sure, it only takes seconds to post a comment on some body's Facebook wall or to drop them a tweet over Twitter but nothing shows more effort than actually making time to meet up with someone.

It's not just the Internet though; text messages can build a barrier between two people in a relationship. One main problem with text messages are that sometimes your intentions aren't always clear. If you include a full stop - you're being blunt. If you don't put kisses on the end - you suddenly hate them... No of course not. it's all presuming and second guessing. Text messages are subject to scrutiny and most likely discussion with other people outside the relationship. Certainly there must be a secret message hidden within the words? Or that's what we convince ourselves anyway. On the other hand texting can be useful especially if you aren't able to meet up in person. Sending a text message is after all much safer than ringing them up and facing the potential awkward silences that could occur at any given point. But instead of going for it we often sit there thinking of what to say in a text message for several minutes before repeatedly erasing the message and retyping it in fear of sounding 'stupid' or 'idiotic'. Maybe we've lost the skills to actually speak on the phone? or maybe we just need to be a little braver. If the 'loving' relationship is there than a phone call should be easy. Although with all the week long relationships these days who can blame them for not picking up the phone?

Before all the technology got in the way people had to talk to each other face to face without the barrier that has quickly become a computer screen or a mobile phone. Love was giving the other person you; your faults and all. In some respects love hasn't changed - the vulnerability, the inevitable heartbreak and embarrassment is still there. The difference is we try to mask our feelings, because we feel that if we do or say something stupid they will stop loving us. If they do turn around and end it all then it obviously wasn't meant to be. We need to take risks sometimes, just run with it. Substance and personality is needed to make it work not just meaningless words and Facebook pokes. Things may turn out badly or they may go to plan but you won't know unless you try. The fact of the matter is we don't like making ourselves vulnerable to other people. We like to seem fearless and omniscient of love and everything that comes along with it - but we aren't. Love is never going to be easy but you need to go into it face on, literally.

"For some quite inexplicably love fades; for others love is simply lost but then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night."

Laura.

I think we can officially say I watch too many chick flicks...

Song: The Fear by Ben Howard

2012

Happy New Year!

Last year I made a list of things I wanted to do during 2011, time to see how many of them I actually completed. I won't go through every single one, otherwise this post would be pretty long but here's a few of them...

The first thing on my list was 'Get a job' and I actually did manage to do this, although not quite how I originally thought I would. It's true sometimes it's who you know and not what you know because I got the job through my friend Alex, at her Mum's school during the holidays. There were other things on my list I did do such as 'Start 6th form at Queensbury' and 'Do some charity work' but then there were others which I didn't come close to reaching. 'Try to enjoy the last few months of art prep work' was one of them. To my friends reading this, who also took GCSE art, you will know my feelings on it - I'm so glad that Art GCSE is over, I hated it at the end and I could write a whole paragraph about why but I'll leave it at this. Overall I reckon I completed around half of my list (Link 'here' if you want to read the full list) but I'm happy with that. Like I said at the beginning various different things come and go from the list over time and that's why I write a whole list rather than just one 'resolution' which may change in the future. So new year, new list, here it is so far:

- Do well in my AS levels
- Learn to drive
- Decide what I want to do at Uni
- Make sure I keep in contact with all my friends
- See the Hunger Games Movie
- Do some more charity work
- The 50 book challenge
- Make my blog posts better & more interesting
- Learn how to cook more meals

Laura.

Song: How To Save a Life by The Fray, cover by Alex Goot