I'm the person who always ends up getting the 'Who has been on the most dates' card when I play the voting game with my friends. I'm also the person who, regardless of this, is still single.
Is this because of me?
Or is this because of the type of people I've dated?
I've come to the conclusion that it's probably a bit of both.
With people's lives becoming increasingly reliant on technology and phones being almost permanently clutched in our hands, it's no surprise that dating apps are popular. I have very mixed feelings about apps like Tinder (and yes I do have Tinder judge me all you like). Part of me loves the fact I can end up speaking to and even meeting someone who I otherwise would never have known existed. The other part of me hates the underlying premise of it - judging someone initially purely by what they look like. Sure, it may be true that you have to be attracted to someone for a relationship to work... but I can tell you that looks certainly aren't everything. I've been on a date with someone who I thought was good looking and they turned out to be dull as a brick in person. I've also dated someone who knew that they were attractive and needless to say that didn't work out either. I always thought that the 'connection' or 'click' I'd heard people talk about in relation to dating and relationships was some fictional, made up thing that never really happened. But oh my god, it definitely is a thing and an important thing at that. Something that Tinder has taught me is you need that initial connection - no matter how attractive someone is, if you don't click with them when you meet them then the chances of it going any further is next to nothing.
In my experience it's best not to take Tinder too seriously, it certainly isn't for the fragile hearted. People will ghost you regardless of how long you've talked to them and needless to say - the way people come across on there won't always be how they come across in person. There seems to be a temporality about Tinder that I can't pin down and explain. Despite this, I should also say that some of the people I've dated or met from Tinder were lovely people - things just didn't work out.
So how did I come to the conclusion I'm single because of me & the people I've dated? In terms of 'me': I always want to see the good in people and often somewhat naively ignore the not so good facets of people. Additionally, I always think I'm expecting too much from someone, but paradoxically I also probably don't demand enough. To put it another way: I've found it difficult to find someone who is well suited to me and who genuinely likes me. Regarding the people I've dated: practically every guy has done or said something (at some point) which has brought the classic Shania Twain lyrics 'that don't impress me much' to the forefront of my mind. They've lacked something: respect, modesty, personality, commitment... the list could go on. I know relationships aren't at all 'perfect' but I believe that at the very least you deserve to be treated well and feel wanted. If someone doesn't give you their time, they aren't worth yours.
I'm sure some of you might be thinking I should merely lower my standards, stop being so fussy or perhaps that Tinder is the main issue. Perhaps you're right in thinking those things, but the reality is I'm only 22 and I'm not going to just settle for the sake of being in a relationship. I'm also glad I met all of the people I have, because even if it didn't work out it's helped me know what I want. Tinder is also a great way of meeting people and although it has it's flaws I don't think people should necessarily rule it out. I don't expect to find someone who doesn't make me think 'that don't impress me much' at all, but I'll know they're worth my time when whatever makes me think that isn't a complete deal breaker. Until then, I'm going to enjoy having the freedom of being by myself and do the things I want to do. Will that include more dating? Time will tell.
Laura.
Song: Dressed in Black by Sia
