Resilience

Resilience 

NOUN

1. The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

2. The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape.

Recently my department at work had an 'offsite day': a day consisting of talks and workshops which primarily focused on department level and company wide objectives - certainly not my usual topic of choice for a blog post. However, one of the talks which stuck with me was about resilience and how it can be applied on a large scale for the company (publishing is an industry which is constantly working to find its place and adapt to an increasingly digital and technological world) and on an individual, more personal level. The session centred on how important 'bouncing back' from challenges and difficult situations can be in a variety of contexts, it also emphasised that this can be harder for certain types of people.  

I'll be the first to put my hands up and say that I often struggle with unexpected changes or overcoming challenging situations, especially when they all seem to come at once. Anyone who knows me well will be aware that I've had a pretty rough few months recently. I won't be going into details here, but I think it's why this particular talk resonated with me so much. A combination of events knocked my self confidence and left me feeling like any optimism I once had, had been squeezed out of me entirely. Instead of having the outlook that these things would shape me as a person, I was letting them debilitate me. I certainly wasn't being resilient. Thankfully though, I'm surrounded by some fab people (friends, family & colleagues) who kept me grounded, took my mind off things and were super supportive. So I did eventually 'bounce back', just not quite as quickly as I would have liked...

If someone had asked me a couple of months ago what five traits or characteristics I'd like to be described as having, I don't think 'resilient' would have even entered my mind. Yet now it's definitely something I'm working on becoming better at myself and I admire anyone who has the ability to be resilient, it's definitely an inner strength that more of us should strive to master.

Laura.

River by Bishop Briggs

Logging Off | Thoughts on Social Media

Social media. Nearly all of us have an account on at least one social media platform (if not more), whether it's Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube or Tumblr... the list goes on. Most of these sites supposedly make us more connected in some way; they offer an easy way to keep in touch with people and personalisable spaces where we can share various forms of content. Yet I've become increasingly aware of how much of an impact these websites and apps can have on peoples lives, both negatively and positively.

I've struggled to get my thoughts on this topic into a coherent form, but I've realised that broadly they fall into two categories: 'connectedness' and the way in which social media profiles are 'constructed'.

As someone who graduated last summer, with friends from various places dotted around the country, I do find social media useful for keeping up to date with them. It's a way that I can stay 'connected' in both an active way (instant messaging) and a passive way (seeing the content they post - photos/tweets/etc) when they're off living their own lives elsewhere. But, having said that, I will always appreciate and value seeing people in person above everything else. When someone actually makes the time to see me, it means a whole lot more than them just liking one of my photos on Facebook or retweeting a tweet I've posted. There's also another aspect of 'connectedness' that I've been thinking about though. I (like a lot of other people I'm sure) have found myself absentmindedly scrolling through Facebook to 'pass some time' - not even necessarily paying attention to what's been posted or shared. Why? Because the majority of it I just don't care about. I've become 'connected' with too many people, with people I've grown apart from, with people that I don't even speak to anymore... Pretty ironic given that social media is primarily meant to bring people together. Clearly just because you're friends with someone or follow them on social media doesn't mean you're going to have meaningful interactions with them.

Going onto the 'constructed' aspect I mentioned. I feel like a lot of social media sites are bordering on the edge of encouraging self validation. If the number of likes you get on a photo or the number of followers you have start to matter in relation to how you value your self, I think that's a dangerous position to find yourself in. Someone can be stunning and only get a handful of likes on their photo - likes do not represent self worth. Reducing your friendships and relationships down to numbers, however high that number may be, can be a lonely place. Followers don't necessarily translate into friends and likes don't equal happiness. Part of me is concerned that the generations that grew up on these platforms will potentially place too much importance on these aspects of social media. It lures people into comparing themselves to others in a negative way. My main point about all this is that every part of the 'passive' aspect of social media is constructed. Everyone posts the best version of themselves, they're selective. This may sound obvious to me and you, but it's questionable whether it's something that is kept in mind universally.

With all of this in mind, sometimes I like to log off of all my social media. Think about it. When was the last time you actually logged out of Facebook rather than just shutting the window? I find the simple action of disconnecting and consciously logging off satisfying. It breaks the habit of constantly checking the things I don't care about and it means I can take a break from always being 'connected' in the way I outlined above. There's a strange sense of freedom that can be gained from logging off, or even just turning off your phone now and again. Perhaps this freedom stems from the process of making an intentional and active choice, rather than being a passive observer and user of social media. Or maybe it's just because it forces you back into reality, a place where the 'like' button doesn't exist and the friends you choose to 'connect' with are genuine people rather than numbers.

Laura.

Song: This Is Not About Us by Banks

That don't impress me much | Thoughts on Dating

I'm the person who always ends up getting the 'Who has been on the most dates' card when I play the voting game with my friends. I'm also the person who, regardless of this, is still single.

Is this because of me?

Or is this because of the type of people I've dated?

I've come to the conclusion that it's probably a bit of both.

With people's lives becoming increasingly reliant on technology and phones being almost permanently clutched in our hands, it's no surprise that dating apps are popular. I have very mixed feelings about apps like Tinder (and yes I do have Tinder judge me all you like). Part of me loves the fact I can end up speaking to and even meeting someone who I otherwise would never have known existed. The other part of me hates the underlying premise of it - judging someone initially purely by what they look like. Sure, it may be true that you have to be attracted to someone for a relationship to work... but I can tell you that looks certainly aren't everything. I've been on a date with someone who I thought was good looking and they turned out to be dull as a brick in person. I've also dated someone who knew that they were attractive and needless to say that didn't work out either. I always thought that the 'connection' or 'click' I'd heard people talk about in relation to dating and relationships was some fictional, made up thing that never really happened. But oh my god, it definitely is a thing and an important thing at that. Something that Tinder has taught me is you need that initial connection - no matter how attractive someone is, if you don't click with them when you meet them then the chances of it going any further is next to nothing. 

In my experience it's best not to take Tinder too seriously, it certainly isn't for the fragile hearted. People will ghost you regardless of how long you've talked to them and needless to say - the way people come across on there won't always be how they come across in person. There seems to be a temporality about Tinder that I can't pin down and explain. Despite this, I should also say that some of the people I've dated or met from Tinder were lovely people - things just didn't work out.

So how did I come to the conclusion I'm single because of me & the people I've dated? In terms of 'me': I always want to see the good in people and often somewhat naively ignore the not so good facets of people. Additionally, I always think I'm expecting too much from someone, but paradoxically I also probably don't demand enough. To put it another way: I've found it difficult to find someone who is well suited to me and who genuinely likes me. Regarding the people I've dated: practically every guy has done or said something (at some point) which has brought the classic Shania Twain lyrics 'that don't impress me much' to the forefront of my mind. They've lacked something: respect, modesty, personality, commitment... the list could go on. I know relationships aren't at all 'perfect' but I believe that at the very least you deserve to be treated well and feel wanted. If someone doesn't give you their time, they aren't worth yours.

I'm sure some of you might be thinking I should merely lower my standards, stop being so fussy or perhaps that Tinder is the main issue. Perhaps you're right in thinking those things, but the reality is I'm only 22 and I'm not going to just settle for the sake of being in a relationship. I'm also glad I met all of the people I have, because even if it didn't work out it's helped me know what I want. Tinder is also a great way of meeting people and although it has it's flaws I don't think people should necessarily rule it out. I don't expect to find someone who doesn't make me think 'that don't impress me much' at all, but I'll know they're worth my time when whatever makes me think that isn't a complete deal breaker. Until then, I'm going to enjoy having the freedom of being by myself and do the things I want to do. Will that include more dating? Time will tell. 

Laura.

Song: Dressed in Black by Sia

Aims of 2017

Every year I make a list of things I want to do/achieve/complete in the year instead of having one resolution.

Firstly I always have a look over my aims from the previous year and see how many I managed to meet. The main priorities for me during 2016 were: to get at least a 2.1 in my degree and finish my dissertation ahead of time as well as being happy with it. I'm pleased to say I managed both of these. I was absolutely over the moon to get a first overall in my degree and I submitted my dissertation a few days ahead of the deadline. Next up was driving and swimming again - yeah I didn't really manage these but they will roll into 2017 as priorities! I also completed my aim to 'travel to at least two places I've never been before' as I visited New York, Canterbury along with a few other places. I also stayed in contact with friends from home and university, got more work experience and a job, continued to make the most of opportunities that came my way and took loads of photos (as demonstrated through my year in summary post at the end of last year. The last one was to post once a month on  here... well it's safe to say that didn't happen with the stresses of university but I am hoping to put a bit more effort in this year!

So moving forward, here are my 'aims' for this year:

- Buy a car and drive on the motorway
- Travel to at least two places I've never been before
- Try my best to stay in contact with all of my friends
- Start a book blog and read at least one book each month
- Continue to take good opportunities and push myself 
- Post as much as possible on this blog
- Take more photos
- Get back into swimming regularly again
- Pass my probation period at work 
- Attend more gigs/concerts and see more films at the cinema

I might add to this as the year progresses if I think of other things. Sending loads of good luck and motivation to anyone who reading this who has set themselves aims or resolutions.

Laura. 

Song: Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran

Goodbye 2016

Twenty sixteen is almost over and the New Year is creeping ever closer, which can mean only one thing, it's time for my last blog post of the year!

Many things happened this year. I met new people, stayed in contact with existing friends, I wrote my dissertation, graduated, went to New York, interned at an independent publisher's, got a job as an Editorial Assistant at SAGE Publications in London and many other things. Regardless of it all though - I made it through and I'm looking forward to what 2017 will bring.

As this is the seventh year I've done one of these posts (yes seventh, how crazy?!) I thought I'd do things a lil' bit differently and let the photos do most of the talking... So here are some of my fave photos from 2016, by no means does this cover my whole year and unfortunately there are some people missing from the pictures but you guys all know who you are anyway - thanks for sticking around for another year. Some of these photos have never been put up anywhere online so hopefully you haven't seen them all before!

Here we go:

Well that took me SO LONG to insert and order all of those, there's also quite a few photos there so if you made it this far I congratulate you!!

I hope you have a lovely time welcoming in the New Year and I'll be putting up a post covering my aims from this year as well as some new ones for the next very shortly.

Much love,

Laura.

Song: Carry You Home Ward Thomas