In May 2020 I wrote and published a post titled 'Things do get better - Thoughts on Anxiety' where I shared my own experiences of anxiety. At that point in time we were only a few months into the global pandemic (that would go on for over two years) and I was living at home with my parents. Fast forward to April 2022 and I'm now living in London, albeit while Covid continues to rear its head.
You might be thinking that I must have entirely stomped out my anxiety when it comes to tube trains given I now live in London, but I can confirm that getting on the tube often still requires a very conscious effort on my part and I continually have to practice the techniques my cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) sessions taught me. To some this may seem like a failure because I haven't been able to erase the anxiety completely. Yet to me every single tube journey I complete is a small victory, regardless of whether it was easier that day or happened to take a little more mental effort.
Living with anxiety, for me at least, is an on-going process of overcoming the waves of anxiety as and when they arise and most importantly not letting them prevent me from doing the things I want to do - not getting rid of it altogether. Back in 2019 I wouldn't have been able to move to London because the very thought of being on a busy tube train or standing on one of the deep level platforms would have filled me with dread. My brain told me I couldn't do it and therefore I avoided it. As part of my CBT I had to start going on the tube to 'expose' myself to the situations I was uncomfortable in, to start with I could only just about manage a couple of stops on the circle line even when it wasn't overly busy. By November 2021 (when I moved to London) I was able to travel the whole length of the Victoria line without needing to get off early or be frozen to the spot in sheer panic. I had to learn to sit in and through the uncomfortable moments and challenge my anxious thoughts, that takes practice.
My point is, anxiety (and overcoming it) isn't always linear but it certainly can get better over time and my belief in that is something that hasn't changed since my initial post in 2020. There's been times where I've walked through central London and had a 'pinch me' moment because I've realised just how far I've come to get here and live here. It's a reminder that the things I once thought were impossible are now possible thanks to some help, determination and support.
Hopefully this short update gives someone struggling with anxiety some hope that they can overcome it or even gives a snippet of insight to someone who has no idea what it's like to be anxious. Then again, it might not, but I'm a believer that the more people who speak out about mental health issues, the better.
Much love,
Laura.
Song: As It Was by Harry Styles
