Nostalgia

I'm a pretty nostalgic person. I've always fallen into the category of people who tend to drift back into thinking about 'how things used to be' and looking at old photographs or reading through past conversations. Those of you who have followed my blog regularly over the past five years or so will probably know that letting go is something I often struggle with - which is increasingly evident through the amount of posts I've written about time, change and loss. I suppose it was part of the reason why I started this blog in the first place: to help myself and to a certain extent it has.

I've learnt that loss is not only restricted to people passing away, but is also applicable to losing touch with people, people changing drastically over time and the break down of any kind of relationship. But consequently, over the past few years I've tried my very best to make the most of the current moment and to appreciate all the important people in my life more. I suppose you could say that I've come to accept change. But that doesn't mean I'm any more prepared for when unexpected things happen, I've just learnt to deal with it better and approach it with a more positive mindset. I don't let it drag me down as much.

I still frequently miss people that I used to be close with and speak to a lot. I still sometimes contemplate what would have happened if things had turned out differently. Although my nostalgic ways will always be a part of who I am, I don't let it completely define my life anymore. Plus, the people that do stick around make other changes in life a lot easier to deal with. I think that letting people into your life is worth the possible risk of losing them in the future, and is massively outweighed by the positive aspects of close friendships and the privilege of being part of their lives too.

In all honesty, I still don't have any amazing, invaluable advice that will benefit everyone who reads this post because it's a personal thing - my blog posts always has been. But what I do know is that letting go of the past doesn't necessarily mean forgetting about it, and I think that's something important to remember if nothing else. 

The way I look at it, the past has helped shape me and although I still remain a nostalgic person it no longer holds me back, I've learnt to keep moving forwards (even if that does include occasionally looking back too!)

Laura.

Song: Run by P!NK

Make It Count

"The truth is, every human being on this planet is ridiculous in their own way. So we shouldn't judge, we shouldn't fight, because in the end... in the end, none of it matters. None of the stuff." - Billy Connolly

Firstly I'd recommend any of you who are fans of Outnumbered or David Tennant (like me), to watch the film where this quote comes from: What We Did On Holiday. It's a great funny film with some deeper meanings entwined into it, and is well worth a watch if you have some spare time. 

The quote above is taken from a point in the film where the terminally ill Grandad is discussing how pointless it is to be angry at the people you love due to them being who they are. Everybody has their own little quirks or slightly annoying character traits, but we are all 'ridiculous' in our own way; it's what makes us who we are. It also highlights the temporary nature of life and how the petty arguments, the disagreements and the past - it all doesn't matter in the end.  

I think this is an important thing to remember, regardless of how cliche it may seem. Too many of us go through life getting caught up in the past or worrying too much about the future. Maybe it's just best to live in the moment and enjoy being with the people we get to experience it with now. After all, 'stuff' only matters whilst we're living, so we might as well just go for it and make every moment count while we can.

Laura.

Song: The Outside by Ellie Goulding

Never Let Me Go

Last week, for my Contemporary Literature module at university, I read Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. (Just to warn anyone who hasn't read the book/seen the film this post will contains spoilers - so stop reading now if you don't want it to be spoiled for you!) The novel explores the questions: 'What is it that makes us human and what does it mean to be human?' as well as other questions surrounding ethics and about life generally. Ishiguro raises these questions by positioning the main characters as clones who have been purposefully created to donate their organs to the person whom they are a clone of. Consequently Ishiguro plays with the idea of time and age, shortening the clone's lifespan in order to lengthen the original person's. While I was reading the book it never occurred to me that the clones may not be considered 'human', yet when I was reading secondary criticism it became evident that some people do not categorize them as being 'human'.

To me this ultimately suggests that many people must have a particular conception of what makes somebody human and that the scientific manipulation aspect removes the clones 'human-ness'. It's argued that the clones are not human because they aren't natural, they aren't unique - they are just mere copies of an existing human. But each of the clones in the novel has their own personality, albeit a limited one due to their upbringing and end purpose. They also demonstrate the ability to portray emotions and construct their own opinions about the world, which I would consider 'human-like'. Identical twins are as close as we get to Ishiguro's fictional clones in real life and yet we would never say that the second twin is not a human just because they have the same genetics as the first. They, like the clones in relation to their 'original', do not grow up as the same person - they are individuals with unique experiences. I think this shows that it is our experiences in life that shape us most: our upbringing, our friends, the institutions we're a part of and our relationships. However trying to pinpoint what exactly 'human-ness' is, is more problematic, more blurry and less clearly defined than I initially thought. Your definition of what makes a human dictates whether you'd deem Ishiguro's clones and being human or not. But I'd suggest that the unsettling, disturbing feeling the novel leaves the reader with, regarding the clones and their end purpose, must say something. The clones focused on in the novel: Kathy, Tommy and Ruth are all treated in a human way, they are given an education and so on. Whereas it is implied that other clones are not so lucky and are treated in a inhuman way, I would suggest that these clones would probably appear less 'human' to the reader.

It seems to me that Ishiguro is stressing the importance of experience and of living. He moves beyond the debates of human-ness and back to the idea of time. Perhaps the underlying message is that we should learn to appreciate the experiences and opportunities we're given rather than endlessly trying to survive longer and live to an older age. Sometimes we have to let go. After all, a longer life isn't necessarily a better one, especially if you just spend twice as long sleeping.

Laura.

Song: Hey Now by London Grammar

Association

It's always weird when you smell something and it automatically takes you back to a particular time or reminds you of something or someone.
The smell of tomatoes growing in a greenhouse instantly reminds me of my Grandad. There's a particular washing up liquid smell that always takes me back to baking in lower school and a faint lavender smell which I always associate with the microwavable teddy the office lady used to give to children with a tummy ache. Then of course there are the certain perfumes and aftershaves that I associate with people I'm close to and the smell of old books often brings back memories of my middle school library. I'm sure there's plenty of other examples but the strange thing about association is that sometimes you don't realise a connection until you smell the scent again, and who knows when that's going to happen.

I just think it shows how closely smell and memory can be connected sometimes. The fact that random experiences that you haven't thought about for years can be brought back just through smelling something is crazy to me. It's kind of comforting to know that there are aspects of experience, beyond sight, that have the ability to remind you of the people you love too - but maybe that's just me.

Laura.

Song: Ain't It Fun by Paramore (Cover) by Against The Current 

Loss

When we lose somebody in our lives, it's easy to dwell on it because it can seem like we've lost that person completely. But I've found that there is another way to think about it, which means this isn't entirely true. I was watching Goodnight Mr. Tom earlier today and there's a quote near the end of the film where one of the main characters is talking about loss, which resonated with me. He says:

"Except I didn't lose them you see, not really, because they are still here, inside here *points at head* and always will be... and everything little thing you'll ever remember about (them) and that's something nobody can ever take away from you."

Although a person may no longer be in your life physically anymore, due to what ever reason, you still have a version of them with you: the things you did together, what they were like and the conversations you had. I still believe that everyone you meet and interact with has the ability to change you in some way and that change can't be taken away. The impact that they made on you still remains even when they're gone. Perhaps that's the best thing to take away from losing somebody, along with the fact that you had the opportunity to know them and be part of who they were too.

Laura.

Song: All You Had to do Was Stay by Taylor Swift

Aims of 2015

Every year I compile a list of aims that I want to accomplish during the year, rather than just having one resolution that is soon forgotten about. But first, I thought I would review last year's aims and see how many I managed to complete.
I wanted to get at least a 2.1 for my first year of university and I did do this, I ended up getting a first (amazingly). Other things on last year's list included: making the most of time I have with my family and friends from home, and to also stay in touch with them. Although time can fly past at uni and things can get busy around deadline time, I did make a conscious effort to ring/text/message family members and friends, as well as arranging to see people when I was home. So I think I can tick those off. The last one I did complete was to travel somewhere I hadn't been before. In the summer I visited a small town in Cornwall called Mousehole and it has since become one of my favourite places alongside St Ives. 
'Drive on the motorway' and 'Post at least twice a month on my blog' weren't entirely successful, but I will be adding these again to this year's list. So without any more rambling, here's my list for 2015:

- Be more confident
- Try not to let opportunities pass me by 
- Drive on the motorway
- Post at least twice a month on my blog
- Achieve a 2.1 or higher for my second year of university 
- Say what I think and feel and stop being overly cautious
- Road trip / Travel somewhere with friends
- Stay in touch with my family & friends
- Get work experience at a publishing company

I may add to this list throughout the year if I think of other things.
Best of luck to any of you who have got aims or resolutions for the coming year.

Laura.

Song: Bad Blood by Taylor Swift

Goodbye 2014

I always thought that celebrating the New Year was one big cliche, but I've come to think that it is a bit more than just that. Although it may not be an automatic 'new start' or 'beginning', as realistically it is just another date on the calendar, the arrival of a new year can alter people's perspectives and inspire change. I think the New Year is what you make of it. Nothing drastically changes over night but it can be a time for people to consider the past year and hopefully take action to improve the next one. Although 2014 hasn't been a perfect year, every year has it's own ups and downs.

I'd like to thank all my friends who have stuck by me, especially the long term ones, and my family. I've definitely come to realise that ultimately it's the people in your life who are the most valuable.

Let's hope 2015 holds great things. As for the bad, well, we'll have to deal with that if and when it happens.

I wish everyone a good New Year.

Best wishes,

Laura.

“All living things contain a measure of madness that moves them in strange, sometimes inexplicable ways. This madness can be saving; it is part and parcel of the ability to adapt. Without it, no species would survive.” 

― Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Song: Of The Night by Bastille